Jump

This is the long version of my New Years Resolution. Here We Go.

So there you have it. Its officially 2010. One year gone by, and so much has changed. When the ball dropped I watched the clock, 11:59 and it held on to the 00's for just another few seconds, before letting go and starting new, new year new decade new everything. As I write I feel my eyes burn and all they want to do is burn away 2009 and all that happened with in it. I jumped into the year with mads, just talking away on face-book, talking about what felt like everything. I think I made it. Im here in one piece, right? This year has to be better. We knew that 09 was going to suck. We didn’t know the hell in it, but we knew never the less. And I know, I have to know, that this year will be better. It will be fun. It has to be. And oh how I so want to believe that.i wish it was as easy as writing off 09 and burning away the year that changed me the most. I discovered this song the other day, called Swing Life Away by Rise Against. I love it, and I’m listening to it right now. “We live on front porches and swing life away we get by just fine here” I'm so sad. I'm so sick of things changing and being different and I just want something to stand still for a little. I'm so lost. And I don’t want to be. I think that 09 was the making of me, and I think this year will put it to use, in ways that are more for me then everyone else. Regardless of how selfish I sound. I am going to make this year good. I will become happy. This year has to be the good change, right? Because the bad is already done with. And I made it. We made it. Life has to get better. It will. My eyes burn so bad. My clock seems to be going super fast now, as if those last seconds had to made up for in minutes. I don’t know what’s going to happen. And I’ve excepted that I have very little control over it. I’ve excepted that this year, things are going to change again. And im trying so so hard to except change in general. I can still feel the paths of the tears I don’t cry. And I can feel there weight, whether or not there there. So much has changed. So much. But I think that eventually it’ll all be okay. It has to be. Because all I have right now is hope that this year will change everything for the better, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. Because hope is all you have when you feel like you’ve got nothing left. I haven’t willingly hugged my parents since last December and I mean 08. This year, I will. I’ll make things okay ish. This year I’ll remember things. And I’ll do the things I’ve been so, so afraid to do. I’ll try. I won’t be afraid. I have to jump somewhere, so since this year is going to be so much better, why not jump sooner then later? Because the longer you wait the harder it gets. I should know that very well by now. So I think that my resolution this year, that I will try, try to keep. Is to jump, and try my hardest not to look, because surprise Is a beautiful thing. I will burn away 2009 and all the years behind it. I will swing away bad things. I will be honest. I will try. I will believe that good change will come this year. I will hold on to that hope, if nothing else. I will remember. And I will jump. I wont be afraid any more. I’m going to jump off that edge, and I’m going to face where ever I land, because im there for a reason. And it needs to be faced. I will be brave. And I will make myself happy. I will make things better. Watch me jump 00's, and know I’m leaving you behind for a reason. Just know that I’m leaving you behind and that I’m ready. Oh so ready..Watch me jump, and I’ll watch you burn, not with hate, but with sickness. Watch, be careful, you might miss it. See? Right in front of you. Watch, here I go. Watch. Jump. Goodbye.