Untitled (6/11/11 9:40 pm)

I lost myself again,
trying to dig my way out with this pen.
I strung myself up high,
and tried to breath in the sky.
Watching as life faded away,
I think I forgot to cry.
Screaming from the outside in,
burying blades in my skin,
I floated down my red river,
Without so much as a quiver.
The pain I felt numbed my world,
all I could do was hurl.
Listening to the silent noise,
wondering why all simple joys,
are treated like toys?
I smelt your fear,
And though I couldn't bring myself to shed a tear,
I inhaled deeply,
letting your pain wash over me.
Through thick and thin,
we dug each other out,
only to push one another back in.
I guess the only way out of this maze,
is to cute my own path,
and start over again.

I guess people like me just aren't cut out for this.

"These damn meds aint workin, I'm just too damn sick"

Lost and alone,
walking over broken bone,
they take and the steal,
making your pain,
seem all to real.
Watching the demons claw you apart,
as they tear you inside out,
you tear from outside in,
giving them a leg up, letting them win.
If you stare long enough,
fall through the cracks,
and fail to get back up,
avoiding at all cost,
taking what was once lost.

What the hell is wrong with me?
I can't write. I can't rant.
I can't seem to do anything right.
unrealistic and dead inside.
I wish I could just die.
dive into denial and swim through all the blood and tears I've lost for you, float to the top, and watch as you drown in the river I cried you. Bask in the glow of the fire that used to reside in my heart, the hole where my heart used to be, infested with lies.
You asked me to sell my soul, I told you over my dead body. Well, there's my body, here's my soul.
I guess you won, cause now you have my heart and soul, and the fire that fueled me.
I give up.

What Are You Infinantly In Love With? (5/20/11 12:16pm)

So, I was thinking today after one of my finals (bleh) about the love I don't believe in. And this poem thingy just kinda popped into my head...sorry I haven't written so long by the way. I've been ridiculously busy...and everyone just sucks. That basically sums up the past...how ever long it's been. So, here it is.

The stars in the sky
and the birds that fly.
The hope that dies, when people cry,
and the love of love when all is left behind.
The dew on the grass when the sun will rise,
the spark still there in a blind mans eyes.
The scream in your voice,
the destruction of your kind.
The race to the finish line,
and the whisper of the lie,
"No really, I'm fine."

No effing idea. I needed to rhyme. Bleh.

FUCK THIS.
I just don't understand.

I fell down,
how much further can I go,
before I trip up again?
I wanna run away,
To Wonderland,
Lets ask Alice if we can make a plan,
Maybe take it all apart,
and find ourselves instead.
We took the long road,
forgot the obvious choice,
and almost forgot the sound of your voice.
Awful, and painfully well,
Were you a tattle tale?
I need an answer to make time tell again,
I sold my soul to pay my fathers bail.
My greatest weapon used to be this pen,
now in this time of destruction,
utter defiance and pain,
I wonder what ever happened to Barbie and Ken?
They were so picture perfect,
It made me want to melt my skin.
Take a step back,
fall up,
and try not to crack.


Sitting on your bed,
your crying again.
What do I do,
what can I say,
so that you'll believe me when I tell you,
It'll all be ok?
I don't want to lie,
cheat and steal,
this pain is all too real.
I spilled the bottle,
took all the pills,
why are you letting me dance with these thrills?
your supposed to protect,
my safe haven,
died long ago,
traded for some liquor and the promise of a better day.
Need a pick me up,
take a bow,
I'm leaving you now.
Look at the day,
take a break,
maybe you'll find some other way,
is this as good as it gets?
Do I need to send myself on the fritz,
taking sick leave,
never to return.
Theres a pack of cigarettes,
cancer sticks coated in sugar.
Show off,
maybe take a little,
bring it to the next level,
hide behind the devil,
watch the ghosts run and hide,
taking a ride,
Will you ever abide?


FUCK. I can't write worth shit. Sorry. I needed to rhyme.

(12/2/10 3:20 pm)

There comes a time to bend and break,
let yourself go to give and take,
but should you stand and hold your ground,
watch the world spin round,
then you might make it out alive,
telling the story,
how did you survive?

Maybe, Crazy...

Can we forget this town...
spin around and visit the clouds...
Lets run away to Wonderland,
ask Alice if we can make a plan..
Run, crazy, run
Run! Run until your lungs are dry!
Never have to say goodbye,
If we make it out alive...
Maybe, can you feel it?
Maybe, are you as done as I...
We don't have to listen,
to another word they say...
it'll be ok...

No. Idea.

Sometimes I want to sleep and never wake up.

The only thing I have left tying me to this place, is my room and my friends. What happens when they're gone?

What do you do when your whole life feels like it's been ripped from beneath your feet, because the people "in control" are more stubborn then cats?

I swear I can feel the hammer swing down on my head every single time.

I can feel it boil in my blood, and simmer in my veins.

I can feel it posses me from the tips of my toes to the ends of my hair.

It seeps in and entangles itself within my very soul, whats left of it that is...

My heavy eyelids don't even begin to tell you how I really feel.

I want to die.
I want to forgive.
But most of all?
I simply just want to live.
And you won't even let me have that.

Hit Counter

Computer Memory

Because I'm angry. (yay for being melodramatic.) (3/2/11)

Edit

Because I'm angry. (yay for being melodramatic.)

by Lanie Copperstone on Wednesday, March 2, 2011 at 8:49pm

Fade, Fade.

Fade away,

maybe I'll come out to play,

another day...

But for now I will sit and wait,

find trust in the only thing I can,

Because it's gone, it's broken.

And I'm lost again.

There's a hole where my heart should be,

This is how it should be.(not)

I found a vice,

a lie, that I begged myself to believe.

"It will all be ok"

Now it's gone.

Taken away, just as quickly.

Did you ever get to know me?

Never did I see,

I did not know,

why would you just put up a show?

Because I'm the one that has to clean up your mess.

I wish I could just sit and cry.

But somewhere along the way,

I lost the ability.

Fading, fading,

fading away.

I will never come out to play.

I can't even put this into words. I can't even write. Because I don't know what to say.

I want to just spill everything, but who would listen?

Who would understand?

All I've ever depended on has been ripped from beneath my feet.

Leaving me to fall,

spiral down,

into a whirlwind of emotion.

I'm cascading into a river of denial,

watching as all I ever knew,

is changed, taken away, detroyed.

And all I wanted?

Was that lie.

"It will all be ok."

All I want is to believe it.

I have yet to find someone I can believe.

Or even someone I can trust to believe.

Who in their right mind,

Would ever want to believe in such a person,

Like me?

I Have No Freaking Idea What To Name This. (3/1/11)

down down, at the bottom of the sea,

theres a black hole there,

waiting to swallow me...

Dare I look up,

only to be,

crushed by the weight

of the sun I can't see.

Theres a place for worry,

a Place for hell,

Theres a place to go,

when all you can do is watch time tell...

A light can flash,

A siren can wail,

People can scream,

But not this time.

It takes.

It needs.

So little, so few.

The cold sinks in,

frost taking over,

glaze over your eyes,

as your heart takes cover.

Where it should be,

is only a hole.

Down, down, at the bottom of the sea.

There are tales of worry and woe,

There are whirlpools of turmoil, and emotion,

The great pool of "Forgive and Forget"

But there is only one hole,

that could ever swallow me.

Exagerations Are Fun. So are demons. (2/28/11)

The clock on the wall, ticking away,

the room spins, turning life upside down,

there is a demon in the room,

screaming in my ear,

whispering the lies I refuse to hear,

Who lies like a demon?

The demons creator, of course.

He breathes liar,

He smells of nothing but denial,

only wishing to hear what appeases him.

His eyes scream at me,

telling me all I need to know.

There is a demon in this room.

His creator smirks in the corner,

watching as the world, whats left of it that is, crumbles away.

So few bricks left holding up that house.

He is angry,

realizing he now has to create a new demon.

A new mishap, to chip away at the foundation of the world.

But he is out of ideas,

he has used everything he can think of,

What could he create that would be trustworthy, and do damage?

There is so little left.

A milligram of heart.

A shred of soul.

An overstatement of the century.

One bottle.

So many pills.

Who dare dance with these thrills?

Time is watching, waiting.

Creator is thinking, brewing.

What could happen next?

Mistake the circles under my eyes for exhaustion,

mistake the tone of my voice for being a long day.

Stretched too thin, took too many pills, watched to much go to shit.

This demon is good.

He knows his way around the track, been here before.

Alot could go wrong with his next plan,

too much could change.

But what choice does he have?

He takes the bottle.

Swallows the pills.

He takes the clock off the wall,

throws it out the window with whatever morals a demon could have.

He spins with the room,

getting dizzy and lost.

He inhabits the creator.

Together they take over.

Slowly wielding with the others.

And suddenly,

I can not tell the difference any more.

A Not-So Fresh start, 2011

So, here we are. 2011.
Wondering, hoping, wishing, that it'll be everything 2010 wasn't and more.
honestly?
2010 was probably one of the best and worst years of my life.
I learned so much this year, changed so much. Realized what it means to really live.
Fell "in Love" and got my heart broken.
Lost my supposed "friends forever"
Made news friends.
Learned, you don't have to be the best at everything, as long as your happy.
I mean, what Is happiness really?
What does it mean to you??
Last year, it was all about jumping, about not being afraid.
This year?
I didn't make a resolution.
This year it's just about being happy.
Honestly, truly happy.
Even if I gotta lie first to get there.
Last year, my resolution didn't go so well...whoops. Too bad.
What was your resolution?
To get a boyfriend and keep him?
To stop lieing?
To actually get on with your life?
Resolutions seem silly to me.
I mean, if you really want somethnig to happen, why wait for a new year?
Just because you seem to get a bit of a fresh start at things?
You don't.
Life doesn't work that way.
But it's ok, live and let learn, right?
The one thing I can honestly say I took away from 2010?
You have to be real, and grown up. Even when you don't want to be.
You can't snap your fingers and automatically get everything you want.
Honestly, what really changes between December 31st at 11:59 and January 1st and 12:00?
Nothing.
The calendar gets replaced, those in school start a new semester, people have to go back to work soon.
Everyone wishes for second chances, to turn back time and re-do something. Everyone desperately needs a new start for something in their life. That's the only reason "New Years" is such a big deal.
All I want this year, honestly truly?
I have no fucking idea.
I want to be happy, I want to be unrealistically 'perfect', I want to actually get shit right this year.
But I won't, not all of it.
I will be who I am, whoever that is, and I'll live my life, whatever that is.
Want is a silly thing, that can take you over faster then any disease.
We shouldn't want to celebrate the new year because we get to 'start over'
Because you don't.
Nothing really changes.
We should celebrate the New Year because we are alive. We made it through another year, scathed and bruised, but alive none-the-less. You Do Not get a fresh start. You get to continue on, and you get another shot, at another year. That hasn't happened yet.
This year is yours for the making.
So why not make it a good one?
Happy New Years, guys.